Poof!!!

                                The Daily Pheesh
                                 Saturday 11 July 2030
The Union Health Minister Ms Chintamani Anbumani Ramadoss (d/o ex-Health Minister Anbumani Ramadoss s/o PMK leader late Dr. P.K Ramadoss) has revealed the latest set of proposals designed to "remove the scourge of tobacco from India". The minister revealed this plan in an exclusive interview with the Daily Pheesh yesterday. These steps are part of a larger anti-tobacco drive that has been championed by the Government ever since the Minister's father occupied the position of the Health Minister in the first decade of the century. Some of the proposals include:

1) All male citizens whose annual income is less than Rs 1,80,000 per annum have been prohibited from marrying. According to the Minister "..this will prevent these people from spreading their genetic material among the populace of India".

2) All male citizens whose annual income is between Rs 1,80,000 and Rs 6,00,000 per annum(henceforth referred to as "subject") have been given permission to marry on the fulfillment of the following conditions.
a) The woman who is to marry the subject has to sign a No Objection Certificate(NOC) which shall state that she is responsible for all ill-effects that shall affect the subject,herself and whatever offspring that are emergent from the marriage.
b) The subject shall pay a "Special Tobacco Tax" of Rs.60,000 per annum and shall carry around a sign with a "skull and crossbones" on his neck.

3) All male citizens whose annual income is higher than 6,00,00 per annum are exempted from any restrictions on smoking. This exemption also extends to all employees of ITC which is one of the largest and most successful corporations in India.

The Minister, during the course of the interview, spoke out against "special interests and business corporates" who were preventing the proper implementation of the anti-tobacco drive. However she went on the defensive when asked about the ITC exemption and her only response was "Health is very important but business must also go on". When the Pheesh asked the minister about the growing number of women smokers in India, the Minister sported a very pained look and declared in a stern voice "Indian women do not smoke". ---DP


Exaggeration? Paranoia? Over-reaction?? Check this out!!

Sport.

         When it comes to sport, I am on most occasions, a sceptic. Perhaps it is the result of years of being the goal-keeper and wanting to be the wicket-keeper where I could observe the match from a (at least I thought so then) vantage point. Or perhaps it's the result of being told, trained, indoctrinated(all very stupidly of course) from a very young age that 'cranius' was always better than citius, altius and fortius. It must be added though, that the coverage of "sporting glory" didn't help. Sport and sport journalism thrive on the overstatement, the sudden construction of a narrative of brilliance, the constant reinforcement and the establishment of a legend. However, the greater they are made, the harder we feel the fall and as sting operations and drugs brought down one hero after another, I was a part of that generation which could not watch a good game without speculating who had been bought and who was injecting what. Later, age;) and another layer of political socialization prompted me to look at sport as another manifestation of the various phenomena that were causing "harm" all around. While I tried not to be one who would watch a match in nervous anticipation and then pen down a stringent critique of corporatisation and sport, I still did cultivate (and continue to do so) a "healthy" degree of cynicism with regard to sporting "greatness".

        However as always there are those days, those moments, those magnificent displays when you cannot help but put aside every bit of various baggages and stand in awe of sheer genius. These are the moments when you forget how exclusive some sports are, how they are a stage for this, a reason for that and what not and feel your your entire soul being carried on a huge wave with those of innumerable others-up, down,up again and again down. Your speech turns guttural, your analysis loses all relevance and turns into a mere parody and the faint of heat and the truly passionate lose all ability to even glance at the contest. These are the briefest of moments, a flash and then, the world is the same again. Yet for that small instant in time, you feel something that is very difficult to describe, something that definitely varies from person to person yet calls on something similar. As Rafael Nadal said while answering a senseless question, “It’s impossible to describe how I feel,...”,. That moment of being at a loss for translation has to be brief, it would be sad otherwise and it is a never-ending pilgrimage in search of such moments that represents sport to me.

We saw a glowing stretch on that pilgrimage yesterday!

Jeevan the What??

        The mallu in me keeps nagging me to write something on the textbook crisis in Kerala. This issue has already spawned hartals,bandhs, marches, strikes and what not besides tons of righteous indignation both online and off. Considering my inclinations and background I too am supposed to write a flaming post and dispatch a lot of forwards but there are times when you feel like you and your "dialogue-partner" are too far apart. You cannot even agree to disagree. So I shall restrain myself to providing links to some of the debates/outbursts. :P

Here's C.Gouridasan Nair at the Hindu. Here is his translation of the controversial chapter. Notice that the lesson is translated as "Jeevan the casteless" instead of "Jeevan the one who does not follow any religion".

Here's an article from "Pragoti" which goes into some detail on the merits of the textbook

An acquaintance who is obviously a strong Party supporter
to
BVN as usual is tongue and cheek.

A very bad attempt at being neutral.

The most intriguing one of them all. The blogger first posits that there is nothing objectionable in the controversial chapter. However in the next post, he studies the rest of the text and comes up with certain objections.

If you have already noticed that I haven't expressed my own view yet, I shall shield myself by emphasizing the fact that I haven't seen the entire book :P. However from what I have seen online..what terrible artwork!!

(HT:Alex for most of these links :)

Dream Team!!

                                  The Daily Pheesh
                                  friday 4 July 2008
The Daily Pheesh has come into possession of a classified document which reveals the Samajwadi Party's master plan with details of the true demands of the party and its vision of the future, Contrary to popular perception, the master-plan(which was approved at the Parliamentary Board meeting of the party) does not involve the replacements of the Finance and Petroleum Ministers alone. The SP has, in fact, outlined the contours of of a new-look cabinet which they believe, is the need of the hour to solve the multitude of issues the nation faces. Here's a sneak peek into the SP "Dream-Team".

1) Prime Minister-Hon. Sri Mulayam Singh Yadav(purely honorary position)
2) Finance Minister- Sri Subroto Roy Sahara
3) Minister for Home Affairs- Sri Raghuraj Pratap Singh alias Raja Bhaiya
3) Minister for Human Resource Development- Sri Amitabh Bachchan
4) Minister for Petroleum and Natural Gas- Mr. Anil Ambani
5) Minister for Law and Justice- Mr.Vikas Yadav
6) Minister of State (Independent Charge) for Women and Child Development- Srimati Jaya Bachchan
7) Minister of State for Environmental Protection- Mrs. Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan
8) Minister of State for Youth Affairs and Sports- Mr Akhilesh Yadav (son of Hon. Sri Mulayam Singh Yadav)
9) Minister of State for Migration, Immigration and Emigration(MIE)- Sri Abu Azmi
10) Special Government Coordinator on Youth Inspiration and Promotion of Poetry Effort (YIPPE)- Sri. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

i)Chief Executive Officer, Chairman of Governing Coalition, Chief Spokesman, Chief Motivator of the Armed Forces, Minister for External Affairs, Chief Negotiator (to be addressed as Chief)- Sri Amar Singh

Government of India Notifications:
a) The Ministry of Defence has been formally abolished. The three armed services will deal with all necessary details. All defense contracts shall be a part of the mandate of the External Affairs Ministry. All foreign trips for diplomatic/trade/defense purposes shall be undertaken by Chief Amar Singh in his capacity as Chief Negotiator
b) The Revenue Department which deals with taxation, unauthorized wealth etc has been detached from the Ministry of Finance. The HRD Minister Sri. Amitabh Bachchan has kindly consented to take charge of the department
c) President's Rule has been declared in Uttar Pradesh. The Government has issued a special order declaring ex-CM Kumari Mayawati guilty without trial and sentencing her to death by "statuification"(use of human body as mold for a bronze statue.For historical parallels re.Mughal-e-Azam) for her crimes against the nation and its people.
d) "Kya Aap Panchvi Pass Se Tez Hain", hosted by Shah Rukh Khan on Star Plus has been declared an obscene, immoral television program and the the host shall be prosecuted for endangering the moral health of the nation.
e) Mrs. Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan has been appointed the Indian Ambassador to France. She will shoulder this responsibility in addition to her position in the Union Ministry.
f) The Government has decided to confer the Bharat Ratna on Sri Amitabh Bachchan for promoting culture, Mr. Anil Ambani for promoting entrepreneurship, Smt Jaya Bachchan for promoting family values and Chief Amar Singh for promoting Chief Amar Singh.

The Daily Pheesh has also come to know that Mr. Vikas Yadav(guilty in Nitish Katara murder case, co-guilty in Jessica Lal murder case and prospective Law Minister) has resigned from the BSP, the party which he joined recently with his father D.P.Yadav. In an exclusive interview to the Pheesh he said "Kumari Mayawati is power hungry and does not care for the people. I share the vision of Hon. Sri Mulayam Singh Yadav and Chief Amar Singh."---DP

Of Ministers and Governors

        Rumours soaring in the air on the hit-list of the Samajwadi Party. The Finance Minister, the Petroleum Minister and The Governor of the Reserve Bank!

Never in the field of Indian politics was so much demanded of so many by so few.

        While I do not think that any(or for that matter, all) of these demands will be accepted, it's a fine time to reflect on the Finance Minister, whose position, for the first time, seems a bit shaky(yes..the you don't know what you have till you lose it time ;). Mr. Chidambaram has not done the best possible job as the Finance Minister. His policies have more or less remained on the same track as that of the NDA with certain sweeteners like the NREGA and the loan-waiver scheme added for public satisfaction. The defects of this strategy have come back to haunt the government now. A couple of days ago, Mr.Chidambaram appeared on Karan Thapar's show "The Devil's Advocate" with a one word mantra to salvage the current scenario-"communication". Unfortunately this mantra(we are actually great...why don't people see it?) has become the standard tool employed whenever a government realizes that the people are turning against it. One remembers L.K.Advani, in the waning years of the NDA government, consistently bemoaning the inability of the Government to educate the people about its achievements.

        The elementary answer to the Finance Minister's flawed argument is that there is nothing to communicate. The Government has reached a dead-end. Any substantial development will have to involve a considerable policy-shift by the government and the Congress Party. This is something neither of them can/will do. They are too far gone. So the only option is to sit back,hope/pray(check out the CM of Andhra's solution--"CM relies on rain to save reign") that the various 'crisi' will subside over time and talk about vague,generalized solutions like communication.

        However the removal of the Finance Minister or the RBI Governor is no solution either. Their removal will in no way bring about any change in policy implementation or the framing of policy not to speak of the underlying assumptions that give rise to policy. Mr.Chidambaram will most probably be replaced by another Sonia-bhakt who will walk the very same path. The governor of the RBI will be succeeded by another career office with the same training and approach. This is one case where a symbolic gesture could not only not improve things but possibly make them worse. Better a Chidambaram than an Arjun Singh any day I say!


PS. The real fun will be if this rumour is revealed to be just that ! A rumour.

The Katrina Awards

The citation


We are proud to present the Katrina Award to:

Despite what chauvinists would say, Kashmir does not comfortably fit the position of the crown jewel of the "Wonder that is India". It is true that Kashmir's accession to India was as valid in legal terms as that of many other princely states, where the wishes of the people were not consulted. But it is also true that few states have been the site of so many controversies and violence as J&K has. J&K has also had the misfortune of possessing and having to interact with leaders who have had no sense of the complexities of the issue.Some members of this glorious group have been almost deliberately blind whereas others have stumbled and bumbled along like bulls in a china shop. Our awardee of the day belongs to the second category. An absolute lack of foresight in managing his own cabinet, a bureaucracy led by a seemingly diabolic-ex-governor, the PR of the government and the protests on the street has ensured that Azad has come out with an egg on his face, communal forces on either sides of the spectrum have got huge breathers and whatever superficial normality that Kashmir seemed to be limping to, is again, a thing of the past. Well since he was the hand-picked by 10 Janpath, I guess it was bound to happen.

The pheesh swims again!(well hopefully)

After a month's sabbatical(ya ya laugh), I am back. Not very sure what happened. I was blogging pretty prolifically(April-14/6, May-24/31, June-0/30!!!) and suddenly I couldn't gather the critical mass for a post anymore. I guess the PM's latest gamble has had its effect on me as well. As usual this has been a terribly "happening" interval...

I guess I better get down to business before this sounds like one of my diary entries.